sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
