Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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