You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
