this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
