I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
When are your genitals available?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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