The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
