Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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