my vag is so smooth its legendary
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
