he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
