so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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