what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize