Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
even my farts smell like vagina
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
