see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
