One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
All I want is dick and wine.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
