Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
