ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
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