i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
everyone is single if you try hard enough
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
