having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
