this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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