I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
