Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Come share oat with me in your robe
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
