He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
