you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
