dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
How does one acquire holy water?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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