so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
