Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
