Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
