she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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