I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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