Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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