I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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