I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize