We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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