I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
