I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
