the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
