he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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