peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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