sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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