somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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