she woke up with a sticky ear
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
