It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
