i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
