You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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