dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
