"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize