Swine flu. Run for my life!
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
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