I wish my penis had an off switch
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
