I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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