i was born a porn star she said
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize