Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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