i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
