Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
