The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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