You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize