Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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