how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
