My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
