They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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