I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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