It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
