About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
