Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
