my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Everyone says I win the strip club
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize