he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
