Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
