god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
