i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
