Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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