Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
