There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I touched a dick in church today
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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