Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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