He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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