I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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