Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
