The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize