So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
