So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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