so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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