why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
