i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
