U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
