i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize