Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
