Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
