I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
