Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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