R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
