it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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