I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
