i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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