I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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