I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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