i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
