those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
