omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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