i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
