Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
