does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
