i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
