you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
