I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
