Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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