waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
